16 Days
My husband always forced me to have sex with him. Whether I wanted to or not was irrelevant to him – when he needed it, I had to oblige. If I say no, I would be beaten and he would force himself on me. In Nepal, we have a saying that if you keep something made out of iron under your pillow, it would ward off nightmares so he would use this as an excuse and keep a huge axe under his pillow. But I know it was his way of subtly threatening to kill me, until one day he used it on me and sliced my ear off. I went to the nearest One Stop Crisis Management Center (OCMC) in Surkhet, where I was treated for my injuries, given extensive counseling and also legal support to file a case against my husband. The case went through and he was sent to jail for attempted murder and I was finally free. I enrolled myself in some skills and livelihood training and started making my own living and slowly started to regain my confidence until recently I got a call back from him. He has been released! He keeps sending me messages and calling me and I know I cannot trust him but sadly my family is forcing me to reunite with him. I am so scared, I don’t know what to do.
This is the story of 30-year old Rita* from Surkhet, Karnali Province, Nepal, but she is not alone. World over, at any given time, there are thousands of women and girls who are going through many forms of trauma and abuse stemming from gender-based violence (GBV).
This 16 Days of Activism against GBV 2022, we’re featuring 16 people who work tirelessly to support women like Rita and bring an end to GBV in Nepal.
There are several child marriages taking place in my community. I really want to change this. I try to tackle this when I conduct the Rupantaran sessions but even when I hear about this outside the classroom, I intervene. I get pushed back just because I am a young person but I am determined to continue. My dad himself tells me that he got married when he was just a child and he and my mother know full well the consequences of it, so now they motivate me to keep doing what I do to prevent other child marriages in the area. I am glad that I am able to make a difference both within the classroom and beyond. Change will not take place overnight but slowly I can see improvements in the society which is great! 
At the OCMC, on average we see around 10 cases of GBV daily. I remember in 2021, a 21-year-old girl came into the OCMC requiring urgent medical and counseling services. She had been sold and trafficked to India when she was just 13 years and made to work in a brothel where she had to ‘service’ around 30-40 men on a daily basis. She was forced to do this for 7 years until she finally managed to escape back into Nepal where she first made a visit to the OCMC. We treated her physical injuries, helped file a case with the police and provided her with extensive counseling. One year later, she is back with her family and we continue to check in on her, providing her with support and encouragement to complete her studies. This was a tough case for us. 
When I started serving as a counselor, I had a hard time balancing my personal life. I used to inadvertently take all that pain and suffering I used to hear about back home with me and this made it hard for me. I myself started going for counseling sessions with my fellow counselors and started doing breathing and meditation exercises. This made things a lot better for me to cope with my own mental health. I need to be strong to be able to help others! It is challenging however because I serve in Dailekh while my 6-year old daughter and husband are in another district – Surkhet. I miss my daughter so much but I am glad to be of service to victims and survivors of GBV, and this is what keeps me going. 
I have been running the safe house in Jumla since 2009 and it is a tiring and demanding 24-hour job. But over the past 13 years one thing remains the same – GBV continues to be ever prevalent and widespread. On average we have about 5 women and their children in the safe house but I remember once we had 36 at the same time! So the numbers vary but I am glad to be able to give them a safe haven, whenever they need it.
I come from a family where my mother was a GBV victim and survivor. She went through a hard time with my alcoholic father and growing up, this made it very difficult for us. Many years later, I am now serving as a Community-based psychosocial worker in the Dailekh district to make sure other families don’t go through what I went through back then. It is a tough job because I walk daily for about 4-5 hours on some rocky mountainous terrains just to make home-visits. Depending on the cases that come my way, I also coordinate with the Municipality office and the OCMC to ensure GBV victims get the support they require.
I have been serving as the OCMC Case Manager for the past 3 years. During the COVID-19 lockdown the OCMC was open. We had a special pass and used our pass to commute to the hospital and back. This enabled us to provide services to GBV victims and survivors who needed it. We had to be masked the whole time and maintain social distancing which was really tough especially when the GBV survivors would break down crying. We also faced huge stigma in our home-towns. Whenever we went home, neighbors would just shut their doors and windows and say that we’re (healthcare workers) the ones spreading the coronavirus. This was hard for us but I am grateful that my family has been very supportive of the work I do and I also take comfort in knowing how many GBV survivors I was able to help even during the pandemic. 
Recently, I met an 18-year-old girl who had stopped going to school because of her family’s economic condition and instead, she started contributing towards the household work and taking care of her ill father. After attending the Rupantaran sessions she started learning about the importance of education and life skills so she urged me to talk to her parents on her behalf – which I did and we finally managed to enroll her back in school. Since serving as a Peer Educator, to-date I have been able to help 14 girls get back into school. Every girl should continue their studies no matter what!. 
In the Rolpa District, child marriage is very common and often, teenagers get married even without the consent of their parents. I remember once the Ward Chair came to me about two teenagers who wanted to get married. Together, we visited the families and discouraged them. Finally they agreed and the boy and girl also realized that they first need to complete their education first and wait till they are older. I am glad that I was able to prevent this child marriage and I will do everything I can to advocate to completely bring an end to this harmful practice.
As a teenager I remember the pressure I faced from my family to get married. But I had big dreams which I didn’t want to let go of, so I was determined to stay in school and finish my education. Sadly, I had to stop my studies half way because my family couldn't afford to educate me. So I enrolled for the Rupantaran sessions in my area and I learnt so much there about practical life skills, about my rights and even on decision making and negotiations. After the 9 month sessions I was also deeply driven to do more for my society. So I rallied a few other friends and we started advocating for an end to child marriage. I was happy to get the support of the Ward Chair and Municipality as well. Together we will make a difference!
Before joining the OCMC, I used to work as a counselor and as part of my work I used to provide my services to former combatants. Through this, I was able to witness how life-saving our work could be and so when I saw the vacancy at the OCMC I immediately applied. I remember there was a domestic violence case that came my way where the husband had beaten the wife so much that she had passed out. It was the next morning that the neighbors had found her unconscious and brought her to the OCMC at the Koshi Hospital. She had a severe brain injury so we referred her to Birat Teaching hospital, but she passed away. Her injuries were too severe. I felt so helpless at that moment but reflecting on these cases, pushes me to do more to help survivors of GBV who come seeking help.
Counseling others can be challenging as sometimes you take the grief home with you. But over time you learn to be professional and balance your family life with your work tasks. When I started this career I used to provide counselling to female sex workers and now I work with GBV victims and survivors. Working in this area of GBV response in particular can be difficult as we sometimes also get threatening phone calls from the perpetrators, especially in cases of domestic violence. We handle some very difficult cases but I am glad to be able to help the women who need us. 
As a CPSW Coordinator, I make home visits when required but I also have to coordinate between the hospitals and the municipality to ensure the GBV survivors get the support they require. My family doesn't like me going out and about but I hope they will understand someday. In the meantime, I will do whatever it takes to support my children and be of service to those who need me.
Conducting family dialogues and interacting with family members has been a great experience for me. I myself have learnt a great deal. I got married at the age of 15 and at that age it was very difficult for me to manage the household responsibilities, communicate with my family members, and be a wife. I was just too young! I had a hard time. I was confined to household chores. My in-laws did not allow me to go out even to do community work. I was also very timid and not confident to speak up. Facilitating family dialogue sessions has improved my confidence. I can now speak up with confidence and challenge harmful practices and discrimination.
My husband passed away after just two years into our marriage and I was devastated but I had to find a way to deal with my grief for the sake of my son. Then, those around me started treating me badly, saying I am a curse and the reason for all misery in the community. This is the stigma and shame associated with all young widows like me. It got so bad that my son and I had to move out of home and move back in with my mother. I was depressed and needed regular counseling to get over this. Then I started working at the shelter. Hearing all the trauma and abuse the survivors face was difficult as it kept bringing back my own struggles. But it also keeps me going. Running a shelter is a difficult 24 hour job but I try to help those who are seeking shelter with us, in whatever way I can.
I got married 20 years ago and after I had my baby girl within two years of my marriage, my husband and his family started accusing me of witchcraft. Whenever something went wrong, it was always my fault. It started with verbal accusations but it also got to the point where I was abused and beaten just because of this. Over time I was taken to a shaman where he performed some rituals which involved ‘beating the evil out of me’. I couldn't take it anymore. Fortunately at the time, I was working for WOREC and with their help, I left the house and moved to Dhanusha and sought shelter at a WOREC safe house. I was given a lot of care here and in time, I was able to send my daughter to school in Kathmandu and I have since been employed at the safe house. Now, I work very closely with the victims and survivors who come into the safe house. Sometimes they are suicidal and sometimes their grief is so much that they react in unfathomable ways. Through it all, I try to calm them down. I tell them my own story of how I was once a victim seeking a safe haven right here but now I work at this same place. My story always inspires them. From where I came, to where I am now, I am pleased to be able to help those who need support, in any way I can.
